Setting Boundaries is a Powerful Coping Strategy
Setting boundaries is a powerful way to protect your emotional well-being and also will help you in developing healthy coping skills. It helps you recognise what you’re comfortable with and you can then communicate these limits to others. By saying “no” when needed, you give yourself space to manage stress, avoid resentment, and focus on self-care.
Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out but more about creating healthier, more balanced relationships. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize yourself—you’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, only how you take care of your own.
Why is Setting Boundaries Important?
“I’m feeling overwhelmed, too much is going on!”
“There’s just too much to do, I don’t have time for exercise or myself!”
“I’m just not coping with everything!”
These are words I often hear from my clients during our Individual Therapy sessions. With today’s pressures and cost of living crisis, we are finding ourselves becoming busier. More and more things are happening that are causing us to feel distressed and overwhelmed.
Perhaps you have had to take on a 2nd job? Maybe you are working overtime or have had to cut costs and do some things yourself on an already very busy schedule.
But what can we do about it? What can we do to help ourselves and not feel so overwhelmed?
Boundaries, boundaries and more boundaries!
Setting boundaries essentially helps us to maintain good mental and emotional health. It will also minimise our overwhelming and distressing feelings.
So, What Are Boundaries and Why Do I Need Them?
Boundaries are essentially an “invisible line” that states what we can and cannot do. This involves an awareness of how we are feeling and thinking, so that we can communicate this and set the appropriate boundaries.
Basically, a line drawn in the sand that states this far and no further. This is me and this is you.
But How Does Setting Boundaries Impact Our Mental Health?
Setting boundaries allows us to look after ourselves and is vital to our mental health and well-being. It allows us to acknowledge our feelings, feel validated and communicate our needs.
Setting better boundaries allows us not to take on too much which will lead to us becoming overwhelmed. It also makes sure that we don’t end up doing something that we might regret later and then feel guilty about it.
And importantly, it allows us to set aside time for ourselves, for work, for exercise, for family and leisure time. All essential aspects of good mental health.
Types of Boundaries
There are many different types of boundaries: physical, financial, personal, professional, material, intellectual and the list can go on!
I will be focusing on more emotional, mental and of course relationship boundaries here. These psychological boundaries can be very challenging to define and implement but are so important to our mental health.
Examples of Healthy Boundaries and Unhealthy Boundaries
There are healthy boundaries and then boundaries that are not so healthy and more likely to cause distress and uncomfortableness as well as feelings of resentment.
1. Unhealthy Boundaries
Broadly speaking there are two categories that unhealthy boundaries fall into:
- Enmeshed boundaries:
These occur when we usually don’t have any boundaries at all. Anything and everything goes! Often people will be too involved with each other and do too much for each other. Very enmeshed boundaries, especially in a family, is often when inappropriate things can happen such as enabling behaviours, taking on too much responsibility for other people and not looking after ourselves enough. Sometimes people that struggle with people pleasing have enmeshed boundaries as they struggle to say no.
- Rigid boundaries:
Rigid boundaries don’t allow for flexibility. They don’t allow for change or growth, and this often happens when one person is too rigid and doesn’t allow for compromise or space for the other person. Sometimes, this person has very set ways of doing things and must stick to that structure and nothing else. Sometimes the way that people think can be very rigid and doesn’t allow for grey areas. The grey area promotes growth and development. Rigidity can promote anxiety and distress.
2. Healthy Boundaries
So, what are healthy boundaries then?
- Flexible Boundaries:
Ultimately, we need to try striving for flexible boundaries. These are boundaries that are not too rigid nor too enmeshed. So balanced really.
These types of boundaries allow us to voice ourselves, our needs and wants. Flexible boundaries also allow us to be open to someone else’s opinion and viewpoints. They allow compromise in relationships as well as acceptance of thoughts and feelings without judgement.
For more information on healthy boundaries please click on this link:
https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/
Setting Boundaries as a Coping Mechanism
Setting boundaries help us cope, especially during stressful times. They help us acknowledge that we might be tired, drained, doing too much or, not enough and they voice to the other person how we are doing and what we can and can’t take on.
It really is Ok to say “No”
Sometimes my clients come back to therapy and tell me that their partner/boss/friend got really upset with them when they said “No”. Unfortunately, as uncomfortable as it is, this can happen.
People may be used to us always saying “Yes” or trying to please them. It can be hard for them when we change our tune and put our foot down.
How to Set Boundaries
A helpful way to set boundaries in a relationship is to sit down with that person and explain to them what you are going to be doing.
For example, “I’ve been feeling really tired lately, so I’ve decided that I won’t always be able to help you out and might have to say No to you in future”.
You can always remind them of this conversation. It’s also important to remember that you are not responsible for how they feel and that this too will pass, and a new homeostasis will develop in the future of the relationship with healthy boundaries.
Setting Boundaries Can Reduce Your Stress and Build Healthier Relationships
So, you see, setting boundaries is essential for maintaining your mental health and good emotional balance. You will find that you are able to recognise and look after your own needs, reduce your stress and promote clarity around your relationships. Healthy boundaries foster stronger, more respectful relationships by clarifying expectations and preventing resentment.
Remember, boundaries are not about isolation but about self-respect and mutual understanding.
By practising and maintaining clear limits, you safeguard your emotional well-being and create an environment where both you and those around you can thrive. It’s a crucial step in nurturing long-term mental health and building more fulfilling relationships.
