Understanding and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse
Perhaps you’ve been in or still are in a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist.
You may be feeling victimised and abused.
But what exactly is going on? And how do you cope with this situation?
Understanding and Recognising Narcissistic Abuse
Understanding narcissistic abuse and how it impacts you in a relationship is really important to help you recognise the signs of this type of abuse. By shedding light on how to identify it, how it plays out in a relationship, and the most effective strategies for recovery, you can be empowered with knowledge and support on your path to healing.
What is a Narcissist?
A narcissist has a form of personality disorder that is characterised by a pervasive pattern of behaviour that is self-centred and lacks empathy. Often individuals struggling with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) have an incredibly low sense of self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness that they mask with a sense of grandiosity and entitlement.
They may take advantage of others in order to achieve their goals and because they lack insight into how others feel, they struggle to understand the impact of their behaviour on you. When they feel threatened or out of control, they can become emotional and very intense and their behaviour can escalate quickly.
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that comes from a person who struggles with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
A relationship characterised with this form of abuse can often be very challenging and difficult to manage or leave if this is your decision.
Signs of Narcissistic Abuse:
The following are signs to look out for which can be indicative of narcissistic abuse:
Gaslighting/Projection
This is a particularly challenging dynamic and involves the narcissist projecting their inadequacies on to you in order to cope with them. This may involve them accusing you of saying something that you didn’t, denying saying something that they clearly did, or trivialising your feelings. This can lead to you doubting yourself, your thoughts, opinions and your version of the events.
Controlling Behaviour
The narcissist may start to control your every move. Examples include; not allowing you access to the joint bank account, tracking you through your phone or car or checking through your mobile phone. They might also start isolating you from your friends and family.
Constant Dishonesty and Lies
The narcissist may lie to cover up their insecurities and feelings of shame as well as to make themselves appear like the hero. They will deny that events happened, and twist interpretations of conversations, so that you almost lose touch with your own reality.
Lack of Empathy
Someone who struggles with NPD doesn’t have the capacity to show empathy. They may not be empathic with you when you have gone through a difficult time or are struggling emotionally. They may invalidate or dismiss your feelings.
Unfortunately, this is usually because they were never shown empathy as a child themselves.
Constant Belittling/Devaluing
Typically, a narcissist needs to feel in control and hold the power balance in the relationship. Because essentially a narcissist feels worthless and inadequate, they will need to constantly belittle you and devalue your opinions and thoughts. Individuals with narcissism really struggle with their sense of self-worth, so belittling you helps them feel better about themselves.
Emotional Blackmail
It’s important for a narcissist to feel in control as mentioned. They may try to emotionally blackmail you to stay in control. Examples of emotional blackmail can include “If you love me, you will…” , thus getting you to do what they want. The silent treatment is another example of emotional manipulation where they will withhold affection from you and refuse to speak or acknowledge you unless you comply with their demands.
Volatile Behaviour
Emotional abuse may escalate to aggressive outbursts and physical abuse, especially if alcohol is involved. Due to difficulties regulating emotions and feeling easily frustrated, narcissists may act out more. They will often then shift the blame for their own actions onto you, making you feel responsible for the problems in the relationship.
Manipulative Behaviour
Narcissists will use a variety of manipulative and controlling tactics to gain what they want or to remain the centre of attention. Their manipulation has the effect of undermining the partner and in so doing maintain dominance in the relationship. However, this can leave you feeling useless and victimised.
The Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse inflicts profound emotional damage that can linger long after the relationship ends.
If you have experienced this type of abuse, you may be experiencing some of the following conditions:
- Low self esteem and low sense of worth
- Anxiety and PTSD
- Depression
- Difficulties in relationships
- Trust issues
- Self-doubt, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
- Isolation
Recognizing and addressing these emotional effects is crucial for healing.
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
Recovering from a narcissistic abusive relationship requires a multifaceted approach and is focused on healing and self-discovery as well as self-care.
Loggins (2023) identifies a few areas to assist in recovery, summarised below: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse (verywellmind.com)
- Firstly, acknowledging and accepting that this is what has happened is useful,
- Second, seeking professional support through therapy can provide a safe space to process emotions and develop coping strategies tailored to your experience.
- Setting strong boundaries is essential to protect yourself from future manipulation, allowing you to reclaim your sense of autonomy.
- Rebuild your self-worth by engaging in self-care practices, such as mindfulness, journaling, and pursuing hobbies.
- Rebuild your confidence and self-esteem with a supportive network of friends and family who understand your journey. This can combat feelings of isolation you may have and reinforce your sense of worth.
- Lastly, embracing personal growth through education about narcissistic abuse can empower you to recognize red flags in future relationships, promoting healthier connections and a more resilient sense of self.
Understanding and recovering from narcissistic abuse is a crucial journey toward reclaiming your life and sense of self. By recognising the signs of narcissistic behaviour and the emotional toll it takes, you can begin to validate your experiences and acknowledge the pain you’ve endured.
Recovery involves not only healing from the trauma but also rebuilding your self-esteem and establishing healthy boundaries. With the right support, you can transform your pain into strength, learning to prioritise your well-being and cultivate healthier relationships.
Embracing this path allows you to emerge not just as a survivor, but as a resilient individual who can thrive beyond the confines of past abuse, equipped with the knowledge and insight to navigate future challenges.
References
Loggins, B. (2023). Healing from narcissistic abuse. (verywellmind.com)
